Full-Stop

Now that I know wishes don't actually come true, well, I suppose fairy-tales don't either. You put a full-stop half way through the chapters... Who am I to change everything? & I thought that you're everything I've got. I thought you're the reason for everything. I guess I was very wrong...

*

Goodness, Ying Wen, you're worth more. Stop thinking yourself as a cheap & shallow person. I have friends & families that care. I do not need to linger on the past. A past that will always haunt me nonetheless. But I guess I have to deal with it. I have to be the happy person again. Walk on a fresh & brighter path, I deserve more. I deserve better. *toast to a new beginning*

Yeah...

Merry Christmas, Ying Wen.

& now there's only me.

Dragged Deep Down & Under

Some friends can be the stupidest people on earth.

I thought that friends are the people whom I can trust & depend on, but things are the other way round instead. I may not be the material for a Chinese-act sorta friend but still, I'm a person with dignity & pride. I still believe that the most essential elements in a TRUE (yes, note that i bold & enlarge 'true') friendship are loyalty & respect. God damn it, RESPECT is the freaking most important thing. If you guys really think that being all friendly & nice, or worse, PRETENDING to be nice is gonna get my attention & let my guard down, good for you guys then, y'all fucking got me. I pretty much see your true colours now; I guess 3 years can change everything huh? Well, now, I really don't give a damn to who you people have become. You guys have really proven me of what "great friends" you people are. Yeah, you fucking shown it! Thanks for all the troubles you've put me through from sending your stuff all the way to town & getting fined as well. Not to mention by ditching me too; don't you guys have a lil' self-respect at least? If you don't want me there, just fucking say it. Why wanna drag the time to the very last minute? Damn pathetic, okay! You think I have all the freaking god damn time? I have other better friends to hang out with & getting my chores done. & if I were to predict this would happen, I won't even bother showing up. Seriously, if I were you people, I'll dig a hole & hide there for the rest of my life.

*

Well, I've changed as well in these 3 years, but I think I've changed in a way far better than before to be a wiser, more matured, sensible & more outgoing person. & I honestly have to thank my friends from KL & also waiyi who were & STILL are there for me whenever & wherever I am, from cheering me up to making me so mad! lol! Now, I know why I can't call JB my home even though I thought it is; KL is my home, where I truly belong, my birthplace... it's in my blood & soul...

**

Names are not stated, but if any of you* happen to come across my blog, read it & know who & what I'm referring to, well, I hope it makes you* realise the state you guys have put me through. & honestly, I won't give a flying fuck about how you* feel now. I'm through with you people!

signed out*

Killing Me Softly

Sometimes, you gotta be tougher than you really are. You will not know what's gonna happen next. & sadly, the news can just slap you right across the face with no sign of warning.


I know I'm a lil' late to say "SPM's FREAKING OVER!" now. But, heck, I'm too happy to actually blog about it & I rather use those free time to go shopping & hang out instead. Those sleepless nights for the big exams were really worth it. God knows what's gonna happen when results' out next year. Oh well, it's not the time to fret 'bout exams now...

*

It's almost a week since I finished my papers; been shopping & going out alot lately. & I finally got the stuffs that I anticipated for! A new phone & a laptop! *jumps for joy* :D I got a new Sony Vaio & it's the princess pink edition! I can bid farewell to my old Sony Ericsson Z530i & welcome my new Sony Ericsson C905! *squeals* My parents can pamper me alot sometimes... *sigh happily* lol!

Cousin's back from Australia; stayed over her place for 5 days. & I'm missing her laughter & her jokes. Hopefully I'll get to spend some more time with her before leaving for UK. =/ this is definitely gonna be tough. I'm excited to start a new life being in college & everything, learning new stuffs; but there's a part of me that I'm worried of what my path is gonna be... I suppose I just have to wait & see.

I hate my boyfriend sometimes.

Rejuvenation

TRIALS ARE FINALLY OVER!

Well, it was actually yesterday, but heck, I didn't bother bloggin'. Started watching Moonlight Resonance yesterday since everyone was talking 'bout how awesome & reality-like it was. Though, of course, everyone finished watching it & I just started. So, I can be said to be a lil' outdated. -.- blame trials.

So far, the drama is great, very drama-sy I'd say. It's better than the first one I watched. Can get a lil' too touchy & frustrated while watching it. First, I had to wait for it to load & certain scenes in the drama were filled with such hatred that influenced me as well. But, honestly, it was worth the wait especially since I have nothing better to do after the trials. :D

Everyone has plans for the upcoming holidays & mine is still pending. Well, I dunno if it's consider under pending list since we haven't actually plan anything yet. -.- The boyfriend only gets 2 days of Raya holidays & I have a week. What am I gonna do for the rest of the days?

munnnn, let's go out!!! :D :D

Uncoil Me

When I thought freedom is within my reach, it had to drift few inches further to remind me that I still have to stretch a lil' more to grasp hold of it. Pathetic-ism.

Trials started on the 2nd of September.

Just when I thought it was all over after 2 long weeks of sleepless nights & paper cuts, everything had to start from scratch tomorrow.

Half down, another half to go.

Fingers-tightly-crossed.

Complications

There's only 4 months & 3 weeks left before leaving all of these behind. What if I don't wanna leave any of it behind?

16 Months & Counting On

Happy 16th Month, baby.

It's crazy knowing how time flies. It's already 1 year & 4 months. I never knew that we would last this long. It didn't take me a lifetime to know that you're everything.

Despite all that had happened, I'm glad I'm still with you. I never gave up & I've never regretted at all. It may all seemed really tiring & exhausting but loving someone is about forgiving & learning to love deeper & more unconditional.





But I supposed, words can't possibly describe everything. It's the thoughts that count & the heart that cares.



- xoxo -

lots of love.
ilwa&f. `

Phobia

i still fear of what i shouldn't. why is it still bothering me?

trust. learn the word, yingwen. learn the word.

Philosophy

i can be rather contradicting at times.

the boyfriend is out with his friends. i guess this is what i can do while waiting for him to get home.

*

it's funny & strange how when i said that i've sorta decided to delete this blog but yet i still log back right into blogger.com & post this entry. i guess feelings do build up when you've wrote down so many happenings on an online diary. the place where you pen down almost everything in your life & express those untold feelings in the heart. my blog is the place where i've wrote down a numerous sorts of feelings of bitter & sweet. this blog is the 'person' that i've shared most of my feelings to apart from the boyfriend & my closet friends. a blog is also the heaven that allows me to spill everything out during my sad & happy moments without anyone feeling irritated or intimidated by all my ramblings.

well, alot had happened recently. arguments with the boyfriend, my mom & the sudden swelling of my knee. it's tiring. those mixed feelings are like tearing me apart. but of course, things are okay now. (: & i'm really glad that it's all over.

the thing with the boyfriend was horrible. i guess both of us hurt each other deeply. i felt & still is feeling bad for what i've done. maybe if i hadn't got into the car, none of that would have happened. but i supposed god works in his mysterious ways to let life goes as it is to be filled with ups & downs. to teach us to be wiser & more philosophical. although things happened, but i'm glad everything is all over. it taught me a great lesson to appreciate you. i learn to love you deeper & care for you more. it's not the same as before but i know it's a new beginning. tho' i have to admit i have doubts on myself whether if i can cope with it but deep down, everything is worth it. i love you, baby.

as for my mom, she's been a great companion & i love her much for it. tho' i did not tell her the sad things that happened to me even if i wanted to. it wasn't necessary for her to worry stuffs like these about me. she had enough in hands to make her stressed out & intensed. i don't wish to add any extra burden on her. i realised that it's harder to keep things quiet & hide away my feelings from her. but that's what i had to do.

as for my knee. oh only god knows what's wrong with it 'cuz i dunno either. i'm going for treatment & i'm unable to go to school for 2 weeks. it's such a long time & i can't afford to miss any classes before the upcoming trials. well, i guess at least i can study more at home.

with all these put together, it was more than enough to kill me! it was suicidal. but i'm glad i had mun, leon & chooming encouraging me to cope thru it & stand strong. i was touched by their words. those words said reminded me of so many things. they played over & over again in my head. it was as tho' the msgs are already recoreded & saved in there. it always bring fresh tears that sting my eyes. i'm really grateful to have you guys at my weakest of point & my darkest of sorrows. but i supposed words obviously can't describe the gratitude of it.

***

anyways, enough of those. all of a sudden i felt emo. it's amazing how i could type all those out without crying anymore. (: i've learn to stand strong or at least i think i am standing strong. lol! day's been boring. been stucked at home studying & just watching dramas in between resting hours. i miss my friends in school. come to think of it, i'm getting rather tired of studying but knowing me, i still need to have a book there with me regardless whether i'm resting or not. i need to read something at least be it novels, model test papers or magazines.

friday is the 8th. it's gonna be the 16th month soon. i really hope mom would let me go out on that day despite that i can't walk that much. but i really wanna walk for a bit & be out from the house. & what's worse, i couldn't get the bf anything, being stucked at home & all. maybe something simple will do, hopefully he doesn't mind. wanted plan a surprise but seemingly i don't think it'll work now. oh well.

yay. the boyfriend is back. well, toodles for now. gosh, i've been rambling away so much that i don't even rmb what i've just wrote. this is the weirdest entry, i guess it's because it's past bed time. feeling a lil' wuzzy.

signed out *

i think it's time for me to shut down this blog & let memories remain where they are supposed to be...