16 Months & Counting On

Happy 16th Month, baby.

It's crazy knowing how time flies. It's already 1 year & 4 months. I never knew that we would last this long. It didn't take me a lifetime to know that you're everything.

Despite all that had happened, I'm glad I'm still with you. I never gave up & I've never regretted at all. It may all seemed really tiring & exhausting but loving someone is about forgiving & learning to love deeper & more unconditional.





But I supposed, words can't possibly describe everything. It's the thoughts that count & the heart that cares.



- xoxo -

lots of love.
ilwa&f. `

Phobia

i still fear of what i shouldn't. why is it still bothering me?

trust. learn the word, yingwen. learn the word.

Philosophy

i can be rather contradicting at times.

the boyfriend is out with his friends. i guess this is what i can do while waiting for him to get home.

*

it's funny & strange how when i said that i've sorta decided to delete this blog but yet i still log back right into blogger.com & post this entry. i guess feelings do build up when you've wrote down so many happenings on an online diary. the place where you pen down almost everything in your life & express those untold feelings in the heart. my blog is the place where i've wrote down a numerous sorts of feelings of bitter & sweet. this blog is the 'person' that i've shared most of my feelings to apart from the boyfriend & my closet friends. a blog is also the heaven that allows me to spill everything out during my sad & happy moments without anyone feeling irritated or intimidated by all my ramblings.

well, alot had happened recently. arguments with the boyfriend, my mom & the sudden swelling of my knee. it's tiring. those mixed feelings are like tearing me apart. but of course, things are okay now. (: & i'm really glad that it's all over.

the thing with the boyfriend was horrible. i guess both of us hurt each other deeply. i felt & still is feeling bad for what i've done. maybe if i hadn't got into the car, none of that would have happened. but i supposed god works in his mysterious ways to let life goes as it is to be filled with ups & downs. to teach us to be wiser & more philosophical. although things happened, but i'm glad everything is all over. it taught me a great lesson to appreciate you. i learn to love you deeper & care for you more. it's not the same as before but i know it's a new beginning. tho' i have to admit i have doubts on myself whether if i can cope with it but deep down, everything is worth it. i love you, baby.

as for my mom, she's been a great companion & i love her much for it. tho' i did not tell her the sad things that happened to me even if i wanted to. it wasn't necessary for her to worry stuffs like these about me. she had enough in hands to make her stressed out & intensed. i don't wish to add any extra burden on her. i realised that it's harder to keep things quiet & hide away my feelings from her. but that's what i had to do.

as for my knee. oh only god knows what's wrong with it 'cuz i dunno either. i'm going for treatment & i'm unable to go to school for 2 weeks. it's such a long time & i can't afford to miss any classes before the upcoming trials. well, i guess at least i can study more at home.

with all these put together, it was more than enough to kill me! it was suicidal. but i'm glad i had mun, leon & chooming encouraging me to cope thru it & stand strong. i was touched by their words. those words said reminded me of so many things. they played over & over again in my head. it was as tho' the msgs are already recoreded & saved in there. it always bring fresh tears that sting my eyes. i'm really grateful to have you guys at my weakest of point & my darkest of sorrows. but i supposed words obviously can't describe the gratitude of it.

***

anyways, enough of those. all of a sudden i felt emo. it's amazing how i could type all those out without crying anymore. (: i've learn to stand strong or at least i think i am standing strong. lol! day's been boring. been stucked at home studying & just watching dramas in between resting hours. i miss my friends in school. come to think of it, i'm getting rather tired of studying but knowing me, i still need to have a book there with me regardless whether i'm resting or not. i need to read something at least be it novels, model test papers or magazines.

friday is the 8th. it's gonna be the 16th month soon. i really hope mom would let me go out on that day despite that i can't walk that much. but i really wanna walk for a bit & be out from the house. & what's worse, i couldn't get the bf anything, being stucked at home & all. maybe something simple will do, hopefully he doesn't mind. wanted plan a surprise but seemingly i don't think it'll work now. oh well.

yay. the boyfriend is back. well, toodles for now. gosh, i've been rambling away so much that i don't even rmb what i've just wrote. this is the weirdest entry, i guess it's because it's past bed time. feeling a lil' wuzzy.

signed out *

i think it's time for me to shut down this blog & let memories remain where they are supposed to be...

Where Rainbows End

i'm getting the feeling i won't make my blog last that long as i promised when i first signed up on blogspot after all. what rubbish. -.-

anyways, it's been ages since i last updated. almost a month ago i think. sheesh. so much for being a 'responsible' blogger. what has it gotta do with responsible anyways.

- updates -

i just had my 17th birthday in the gardens & mid valley on the 27th of july with most of my friends in school. i love them all. :D they are like the sweetest angels ever. mun, leon, alex, kah hean, jinxung, shusim, lianyan, junhao, bernard, chooming, pang, shermin & jason were there for my birthday.

it's been such a long time since i celebrated it. for the past 3 or 4 yrs, it's either me being sick / injured my foot / parents were in overseas. so there goes my b'day down the drain. but it was different this year & i'm really glad everything went well. my mom even got back from overseas on the 25th. had a small celebration with her & the family on sunday night; parents still owe me presents, i don't care! :D had an early celebration on saturday night with the boyfriend. he was really sweet, got me an odm watch. *loves* well, apart the fact that he had to attend his friend's b'day after that -.- *sobs*. he didn't even wait until 12am. oh well, it was all good.

friends made my day on the 27th. got plenty of presents from them. but what touches me weren't the presents, but the fact they cared so much about me that i didn't acknowledge of before. i'm really grateful to mun, leon, alex & the rest of them for the lil' but yet special surprises. & specially to mun, the one that was always there for me regardless of the most miserable of time & the happiest of moments, gave me a novel with a short msg written inside. you make me teared after reading it. all i could say & think of is thank you so much to all of you. but of course, not forgetting my beloved cousin all the way in australia wishing me happy b'day as well. same goes to my friends from jb. (:

some of the pictures that we took.

more pictures will be up hopefully when i get them from leon if & ONLY IF i rmb to post them.

i guess that's all about now. rambling away on a weekday when i'm supposed to be in school but sadly i'm sick with a terrible flu, sorethroat & a fever. back to studying.

p.s: i drove! :D

PMS

i'm one day late.

emo-fied.

More Than What You Thought

only to those who know me well enough. i heart you guys.

What Choong Ying Wen Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator! You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

i had nothing better to do & so that's the reason for this. somehow, after reading what came up as the result, it kinda make me realise that it's partly true. & it spooks me. =/

Kiss My Ass Goodbye

it's funny to know that there are two contradicting sides of a person.

Twilight of Aggravation

history is condemned to repeat itself.


& once again, just when you think that everything's over, it had to wash & slap you across the face. to remind you of the past. to remind you of what you did. to remind you that your heart still aches from the pain.

memories are often known as sweet. but there are bitter moments that ppl remember. nothing in the world is perfect, no one is flawless. but of course, it doesn't mean we can't hope or wish for things to go our way. it doesn't necessarily conclude that we're on our own, draggin' our feet on the untrodden paths & conceding shadows of others'. at least, now i know that i won't always be alone. i know that you're still gonna be there. at least i'll know that i don't have to face the cruelty alone.

even if it means i'm gonna lose everything, there's a thought of it that counts. there's a heart that cares. & there's the memories that will put me thru it all.

if only you knew.